How to Make Big Decisions Without Certainty (Podcast)
ThERINpy Podcast with Erin Washington
I sat down with Erin Washington for an episode of her podcast that turned into a live coaching session. In this conversation, I share my decision-making frameworks for navigating uncertainty and building self-trust because big life choices rarely come with an instruction manual or a roadmap to guaranteed happiness.
This isn’t just theoretical. After over 25 years dealing with chronic illness, I understand what it takes to keep moving forward when your nervous system is overwhelmed and your brain is pleading for someone else to validate your life.
This episode isn’t polished, credentialed advice. It’s a raw conversation that shows real-life tools when you need to navigate choices when the answers aren’t obvious. If that resonates, you’ll love the full episode. It’s unfiltered, actionable, and very human.
Why This Conversation Matters
We love a guarantee. A checklist. A credential. But what about when none of those exist? When you’re caught in the loop of stay or go, yes or no, right or wrong … and every option feels incomplete?
Here’s the gist: there might not be a “right” answer to your question, and you can’t control the outcome. But you can control your effort and your attitude. When you stop outsourcing your knowing and start focusing inward, you get something better than certainty: the clarity and courage to act anyway. Because real freedom doesn’t come from guarantees. It comes from acting with self-trust, even when the path feels messy.
What you’ll learn in the episode
Self-Trust > External Validation
We all crave outside validation, from experts, friends, or even strangers on the internet. But it’s time to stop outsourcing your authority because no one else can tell you what’s true for you. Before you weigh kids, vows, or optics, you have to know your own baseline truth. Asking others to deliver your verdict only delays the work of listening to yourself.The Danger of Black-and-White Thinking
Marriage or separation. Pitch or pivot. Chase the dream or keep it “someday.” Life doesn’t happen in neat boundaries of binary thinking. The real work is learning to not only tolerate the tension between multiple truths, but to actually embrace the space in between because that’s where real life unfolds.What If There’s No Right Answer?
We’re so fixated on getting things right that we often paralyze ourselves into silence. Try this instead: imagine that it will all blow up (or all work out) no matter what you do. What would you do then? The point isn’t predicting outcomes. It’s seeing that your answer is about alignment, not guarantees and giving yourself permission to act without the pressure of perfection.Effort & Attitude > Outcome
You don’t control how the story plays out. You control how you show up in it. Use effort and attitude as your scoreboard: Did I show up? Did I stay honest? Did I act in integrity? Did I make a brave choice? When you turn your focus inward, you can always be proud of how you showed up even if you can’t dictate how the situation ends.
A few moments listeners love
On credibility vs. credentials
Credentials don’t always equal credibility. Keep the board-certified surgeon for surgery. But for your life? Lived experience + honesty sometimes beat shiny certificates. We talk about why “expert worship” can become power-outsourcing and how to reclaim your authority without becoming reckless.On boundaries as love (without self-abandonment)
Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out. They’re about staying in connection without betraying yourself. When you’re clear on what you need, you create relationships built on honesty instead of quiet resentment.Nervous-System Reality Check
If you feel “stuck,” you might not be indecisive, you might be physiologically braced. Willpower won’t unwind that.On tools that simplify the noise
The Expansion Test: When your head is confused, your body still tells the truth: does this decision or situation feel expansive or constrictive?
The Magic-Wand Question: In an ideal world, what would you want? Start there, then reverse engineer reality. Getting what you want begins with clarity on what you want.
5 Things to Try
Expansion Test → Think about the decision. Do you feel open or tight? Write one sentence about what each sensation is telling you.
Truth Before Factors → Write what’s true for you, one paragraph, before mentioning kids, partners, parents, optics, or money. Then, integrate the rest after you know your baseline truth.
Magic-Wand → In a perfect world without limitations, what would you do? Give yourself permission to daydream about your ideal scenario, then reverse engineer small steps toward it.
Boundary Starter → Try honesty + empathy: “I love you, and to stay in integrity I need ____. Can you work with that?”
New Scoreboard → At day’s end, rate only effort and attitude. Watch the anxiety drop when you stop grading outcomes you don’t control.
Hopefully our conversation gives you not just comfort, but actionable tools you can use the next time you’re staring down a decision without a roadmap.
